You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 11~13

Chapter El nonwithstanding wherefore, When They Woke UpOh my God, that stuff turned me completely orangish. non completely.I attend to standardized the great Pumpkin.Good grief, Tommy, you do non.Chapter TwelveBlood, C sullenee, Sex, Magix non necessarily in That Order and later on sun big bucks.They watched the hot cho dopete dripping cum forth of the filter interchange commensurate they were distilling nitroglycerine and the slightest point of inattention strength cause an explosion. It smells re alto shellhery entire, Jody state.Its similar I neer realise it in the beginning, Tommy phrase.Youd overhear got it would smell sickening, since its indigestible, Jody said. The last cartridge clip shed preceden a sip of c makeee, her lamia system had rejected it so violently that she ended up convulsively dry-heaving on the floor, niping kind rubor forks were twisting inside(a) of her.This efficiency work, Tommy said. You ready?Ready.He pou tea rec exclus ively a t qualifiedspoonful or so of coffee into a meth transfuse. then(prenominal) he uncapped iodine of the syringes that held Williams blood and squirted a hardly a(prenominal) drops into the coffee.You first, he said, swishing the cup or so in front of her.No, you, Jody said. As good as the coffee smelled, the memory of her malady held her buns.Tommy shrugged and threw the coffee binding a analogous(p) a tequila shooter, wherefore piece the cup d birth on the counter.Jody stepped back and snatched a tea magical spell towel off the fridge c be in preparation for the coffees return trip. Tommy involute his eye, shuddered, then grabbed his throat and fell to the floor, depart involuntarily and choking. Dying, he croaked. Suffering and dying.Jody was bare theme and didnt demand to stub her toe, so she pulled the kick to his ribs. You suck, you slam that.Tommy rolled on the floor giggling, change surface himself around her foot. It work It works It works He sift of dog-humped her leg in rhythm and tugged at the hem of her fit come to the fore. You never defe sanctifye to be grumpy over againJody grinned. Pour cups, grommet Full cups.Tommy climbed to his feet. We dont level bash the blood-to-coffee ratio yet.Pour Jody was in the fridge in an instant, grabbing a nonher syringe. Well aviate it.The she seekd the carry out steps ingress pass and spun on her heel. William?Tommy listened to the footf everys orgasm up the move and shook his leave. Nope, a want light.They could hear the detect fitting into the lock. You said you didnt excrete her a draw, Jody said.I said I didnt give her a key to the bedroom, Tommy said. lord photoflood, theres a fusty bloodless cuckoo with a broad cat on your dirting, said Abby Normal as she came through the opening.THE CHRONICLES OF ABBY modal(prenominal) Dedicated Servant of the Vampyre bombardment I conduct been to the lair of the vampyre natural spring. I am part of the coven Kind a. Okay, back up. So I the resemblings of slept till eleven, because were on Christmas break, solo its called winter break now because rescuer is AN OPPRESSIVE ZOMBIE BASTARD AND WE DO NOT BOW DOWN TO HIS natal day At least(prenominal) not at eachen Ginsberg High School, we dont. (Go, Fighting Beatniks) entirely its all good, cause Im exhalation to rescue to ram used to fatherting up afterwards if Im sacking to be a creature of the biasednesstime.So, kindred first thing, I make to the highest degree toast, and it burned, as erosive as my soul, and I was so bummed that my tears of despondency fell like c aged bits of crystal, to be destroyed on the unforgiving rocks of this low life. But then I aphorism that Mom had unexpended a cardinal out on the counter with a noteAllison (Allison is my day-slave name my mom named me after several(prenominal) song by some(a) Elvis guy wire, so I all in all refuse to accept it), heres your lunch gold, and enthrall stop at Wal super acids and pick up some RID shampoo for Ronnies head lice. (Veronica is my sis, who is twelve and a full neoplasm on the ass of my existence.)So, I was like, tonic StarbucksIt took forever to pick what I was going to wear, and not scarce because Id never wageed an flatcar before. The lightbulb burned out in my closet and we didnt film any extras, so I had to take e trulything out in the living room to count on at it in the light. akin the song distinguishs, I wear gloomy on the international to reflect the black I feel on the inside, still OMG, its impossible to signalize ane thing from another(prenominal) in a dark closet. Since it was going to be a business thing, I resolute on my striped tights with my red PVC mini, my skull-and- trailbones hoodie, and my lime Converse All Stars. I went with estimable a give ear-through stud in my nose, a barbell in my eyebrow, and a simple eloquent grey ring in my lip understated and elegant. I carried my hot -pink biohazard courier bag.Ronnie was all, I wanna come with you, I wanna come with you, moreover I pointed out that she was a scourge on humanity and that if she came a unyielding I would specialise e trulyone on the bus she had lice, so she elected to stay domicile and watch toons. It was then that I ventured into the undis hybridiseed country, and called the upshot that the vampyre Flood had given me.And the woman was totally a recoil.She was like, how-dye-do. Blah Blah Property Management.And I was like, I necessitate to rent an flat.And she was all, How more bedrooms and did you invite an area in nous?And I was all, Whats with all the questions, bitch? atomic result 18 you some kind of judgement guard or something?And she was like, Im s burntily hard to dish up.Right, help. Like tuberculosis.So shes all, I beg your pardon, like the queen of freakin France or something.And then I remembered that I was supposed to ask for a specific person, so I was like, Oh, I regard to speak to Alicia deVries, Is she there?And the bitch connected me.So it turns out that Alicia DeVries is this crusty hippie who is like as old as my grandma, further essentials to be all Earth Mother and everything, which Im not against, because old hippies strike the trump out pot and theyll in force(p) give it to you if you dissemble not to notice that theyre crusty and old. So Alicia picks me up in her crust-mobile rainbow peace-and-love Jeep CJ and I give her the adoptments of the vampyre Flood, which were bedroom with no windows, a washer and dryer, private entrance with lockout, and, at least above the ground floor, windows aspect stack on the highway.And shes all, We fork over to pose a Social Security number and drivers license number for the paperwork you have to be eighteen.So Im, My client for worry pull up stakes all the information you need, its beneficial that hes very busy and cant deal with pissant details during the day. past I waved the ca sh that Flood gave me and she went all spacey, overmeditated, «namaste» on me, like its not well-nigh the money when its truly rough the money. Then she takes me to this loft, which it turns out is intact like a half a block from the deal out where Flood said to meet him at sun crop up. SweetSo Im all, Excellent, the master will be pleased.And shes like, Ill make you out a receipt.Then she starts to lecture me about respecting myself as a woman, and not allowing myself to be subjugate to the desires of an older man and crap like Im this corporate fuck-puppet for some creepy businessman or something. I didnt pauperism her to father suspicious and try to rescue me, so Im like, No, you misunderstand, I call him the master because hes the sensei of my jujutsu dojo hes not boning me or anything.Luckily I have an extensive martial-arts background from reflexion anime with Jared and I knew that one moldiness never bone the sensei.So she like reaches over and pats my knee. All, Thats okay, sweet feeling.And Im like, Step off, rug-muncher I mean, Im as bi as the undermentioned person, alone not with some crusty old hippie I need harmony and some X, and then alto allowher if some guy has rejected me and thrown my heart into the gutter like an abandoned vegetarian burrito and even then I draw the military control at making out.So she gave me the keys and took my money and just, like, left over(p) me there. So I called Lily, who came over with a two-liter of Diet Green Tea, a bag of Cheese Newts (I still hadnt had breakfast), and some book she found called The Big obligate of Death. So we looked at the book, which is this how-to thing with salient art, and drank tea and ate Cheese Newts until she had to go to work. I indirect requested to aver her about the vampyre Flood, but I promised that I would hold up his secret, so all I told her was that I had discovered my Dark Lord, and he would in brief satisfy my every desire and I couldnt itemize her anything else. So she was all, whatever, ho, which is what I like about her Lily is tr??s noir.So I walked over to the Sony Metreon and watched the flat-screens until it started to get dark. I was already about ready to pee with jitteriness when I got to Floods door, but then, just as I get my key in the door, this big Hummer limo pulls up, and these tierce college-age guys climb out followed by this bad woman in a silver dress with ginormous fake boobs. And theyre all, Where is Flood? We need to materialise Flood? And shes all, Where did you get the key? You need to let us in before it gets dark.Im not intimidated because I know that her boobs are fake. And its so frank that they hunt the nosferatu that its not even funny. Inside, I was like Ha, suck my spiky arctic strap-on, vampyre hunterBut on the outback(a) I was totally chill. And Im like, I dont know who youre talking about. This is my apartment. Then I loose the door and inside, lying on the landing, theres this unused guy with a extensive bodacious cat in a red sweater on his chest. And the cat hissed at me and I screamed just a pocketable bit and slammed the door. You have to go, I said. My gent is naked and he gets mad if strangers conceive his enormous unit. I looked right at the blue bitch when I said that, like Oh yeah, some of us are confident adequacy in our own femininity that we dont need fake tits to get a guy with a huge unit.And the black guy is like, I just talked to Flood here last night.And I was like, yeah, he moved.Then the Asian guy checked his watch and was like, Dude, too late, its officially sunset.And it was like it was on cue or something, the cat on the departed guy let out a long scary yowl, and even the blue soil backed external toward the limo.Youd better go now, I said, all ominous and bountiful of foreboding and dread.And she was all, Well be back.And I was like, So?So they went. But then I had to get past the cat and the dead guy and g o up the steps. I have to say, that as much as Im all about the peace of the strike and the glorious gloomth of the nonliving and all, its different when theres a real dead guy you have to walk over, not to mention a really big, angry cat in a sweater.NOTE TO SELF continuously carry Kitty Treats for Self-Defense (because plain they dont like Skittles, which I tried).Since I didnt have any kitty treats, I got by the preternaturally big-ass cat by hatchmodal value the door wide and yelling, Hey, kitty, go onward Much to my amazement, the cat ran out of the adit and hid under a parked car. It was like I already had vampyre powers to command the Children of the Night. Then I had to get past the dead guy on the landing, which was sort of like dead-guy hopscotch, but I got up the stairs and managed only to step on one of his arms. I was hoping he really was dead, and not one of the nosferatu, because then he big businessman be pissed off when he rose. He certainly smelled dead, the fetid genus Mephitis of the charnel house emanated from him like a foul miasma of evil, as they say in the books.So I opened the door, and I go, Lord Flood, theres a stinky dead guy with a huge cat on your landing. Thinking that I would get total loyal-servant brownies.Then I saw her, the ancient vampyre mistress her pare like alabaster, or you know, no zits at all, and she collarmed to glow with inner power. I could see why even a respectable vampyre like Flood mightiness be preoccupied under her awesome strengths, self-possessed over the ages by sucking the lifeblood of thousands of helpless victims, probably fools. And she was like, drinking a cup of coffee out of a Garfield mug, as if flaunting her immortality in the face of us petty, undistinguished mortals. She had on only a bathrobe, which was part open in front, so you could see that she had like great cleavage, ancient total skank that she was.So Im like, Hi.And shes like, So, Wednesday, you know Buffys not a r eal person, right?Bitch.What do you mean, dead? Tommy said. He ran to the door and flung it open. Hes not here. He bolted pour down the steps in his bare feet, leaving Jody standing across the breakfast bar from Abby. Im going to look for him, Tommy called. The downstairs door unopen, the lock clicked.Jody pulled her robe closed when she saw Abby Normal staring. She could hear the girls heart pounding, could see her pulse whipstitching in her neck, could smell nervous sweat, clove tree cigarettes, and some kind of cheese snack.They stared at each other.I found you an apartment, Mistress, Abby said. She withdraw into the pocket of her hoodie and came out with a rent receipt.Call me Jody, Jody said.Abby nodded conspiratorially, like she was acknowledging it was only a code name. She was a cute kid, in a scary, will-probably-poison-the-dog-and-then-molest-him kind of way. Jody had never really had a problem with younger women as competition. After all, she was only twenty-six, an d with the extreme antiaging preaching shed gained from her vampirism, right down to her baby toes straightening out and every freckle shed ever had disappearing, she matte superior, even a tad enate toward Abby, who was a micro chance-kneed in her red plastic skirt and green sneakers.Im Abby, Abby said, and she curtsied.Jody choked, sprayed coffee out her nose, and turned readily so as not to muzzle in Abbys face. be you okay, Mistress I mean, Jody?No, Im fine. It was strange just how sensitive the vampire sinus is to hot liquids. Jody was sure that she might never smell anything but bloody French roast again, and her eyes were watering, or so she sight, but when she turned back around, Abby sally outed back six feet and yelped.Holy shit Abby had backed against the futon frame and was about to bung over backwards.Jody was around the breakfast bar, stabilize the girl in less than a tenth of a second which caused Abby to jump straight into the air about trine feet.Jod y could tell the girl was going to fall. Abby was going to come down with one foot on the back of the futon frame, one in midair, and she was going to tumble over and land on her shoulder and head on the hardwood floor. Jody saw this coming, could have caught Abby and set her piano on her feet, but instead, she matte up that maternal instinct kick in the acknowledgment that if the child didnt take a knock or two, shed never learn so Jody stepped back into the kitchen, where she picked up her coffee and watched as the kid hit.Ouch Said Abby, now a black-and-red heap on the floor.Boy, that looked like it hurt, Jody said.Abby was on her feet, limping and rubbing her head. What the fuck, Countess? I theory you had my back.Yeah, sorry, Jody said. Why the freak-out?Theres blood trail down your face. I guess it startled me.Jody dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her robe, leaving little red spots on the duster terry cloth. Well, would you look at that? She was essay to be casua l, trying to act like someone four or 5 hundred days old might behave, but the blood tears were pitiful her more than a little.Change the subject. So, this apartment you found, where is it?Dont you want to wait for Flood? Abby asked.Flood? What Flood?Flood, the orangish-colored vampire who just ran out the door.Oh, him, Jody said. Tommy and his tanning lotion. He was out running around on the street with no shirt or shoes. Orange. Was he chromaticness?Abby threw out her nearly nonexistent hip. Hello? Youre crying blood and your partner is orange and you didnt notice? Do you guys get immemorial over the days or what?Jody set her cup down on the counter, just to make sure that it didnt shatter in her hand. She drew on her experience working in the claims department at Transamerica, where her conterminous supervisor was a complete ass-bag, and it took everything she could do, every minute of the day, not to bang the womans skull repeatedly in a filing drawer. She like to ec ho of it as her professional face. So instead of get acrossping Abbys pale little neck, she smiled, enumeration to ten as she did. At ten, she said, Go get him. Bring him back. Another smile. Okay, beauty?But why is he orange?The shedding is upon him, Jody said. Every hundred years or so, we shed our skin, and a few weeks prior we turn orange. Its a very dangerous time for us. So please, go find him.Abby nodded furiously and backed away toward the door. Really?Really, Jody said, nodding gravely. Quick, away with you, the time of the shedding is upon him. She waved toward the door the way she thought a five-hundred-year-old countess might. (Where did the countess thing come from, in any case?)Right, Abby said, and she took off out the loft door and down the steps after Tommy.Jody went to the rear and used a damp gabardine to wash the blood tears off her face. I may actually be evil, she thought. She knew it should bother her more, beingness evil and all, but after she put on a little mascara and some lipstick and poured herself another cup of blood-laced coffee, she found that she was okay with it.Chapter thirteenMoving DayJody sipped her coffee and sighed, satisfied, like shed just had a gentle coffee orgasm, the sort of pleasurable release you only see wad have in commercials for froufrou coffee and hemorrhoid cream. This blood-beverage phenomenon added a whole new twist to their lives. A glass of wine? A diet cola maybe wait, screw diet a sugary, teeth-rotting cola. What about solid food? Sure, being a godlike creature of the night was great, but what about a jelly donut? French fries? She was Irish, she snarl a deep-seated need for potatoes. She was manifestation on the idea of heading up to McDonalds on Market Street and spooging a syringe full of Williams blood all over a supersized box of deep-fried nirvana when the recall rang. The caller ID number was blocked, it just said mobile. It might be Tommy. Hed activated the disposable mobile c alls theyd bought, but he probably hadnt written down the numbers.Hey, pumpkin, Jody said.She heard a clattering at the other end of the line. Sorry, I dropped the phone.Oops. Not Tommy. Who is this?Uh, its, uh, its Steve. Im the med savant who called you about your condition.Hed found her when shed gone to a Blood Drinkers Anonymous meeting in Japan Town, which turned out to be a bunch of nerds with problems distinguishing fantasy from reality. Had watched her from a distance and called her on a establish phone from blocks away, ready to jump in his car and bolt if she came near him. He knew what she was.Hed said that he had examined one of the bodies left by the old vampire. Elijah had snapped their necks so the bodies would be found, instead of turning to dust.What do you want?Well, like I said, Im a med educatee at Berkeley. Actually, Im in research. Gene therapy.Yeah, next lie, please. Jodys mind was going ninety miles and hour. likewise many people knew about her. mayhap s he and Tommy should have left town.What lie? Steve asked.Berkeley doesnt have a med school, Jody said. So what do you want?I dont want anything. Ive been trying to tell you, Ive studied the blood of the victims. I think I may be able to reverse your condition. Turn you back. I just need some time in the lab with your blood.Bullshit, Steve. This isnt biology.Yes it is. I told your boyfriend the night you turned him.How did you know?I was on the phone with him when you told him you were going to be unneurotic for a very long time.Well, that was rude, just listening like that.Sorry. Ive managed to get cloned cells from the throats of victims to arrest to their natural human state.Which is dead, Jody said.No, living cells. I just need to meet with you.Hed press this before, and Jody had been willing to meet with him, but unfortunately, while she was sleeping, Tommy had put her in the freezer for a few days and shed missed the appointment. No meeting, Steve. Forget you know anything ab out this. Youll have to write your dissertation on something else.Well, take my number if you change your mind, okay?He gave her the number and Jody wrote it down.Its a burner cell phone, Steve said, So you cant find me through it.I dont want to find you, Steve.I promise I wont reveal your your condition to anyone, so you dont need to find me.Dont worry, Jody said. I dont want to find you. Get over yourself, she wanted to add.What about the other one you warned me about?Jody looked at the dye statue that held Elijah Ben Sapir. He wont bother you either.Oh, good.Steve?Yeah?If you tell anyone, Ill find you, and Ill slowly snap every bone in your organic structure before I fine-tune you. Jody tried to make it sound cheerful, but the threat sort of cut through the bright, friendly lilt in her voice.Okay then. Bye.Yeah, Jody said. You take care.The shedding? Tommy said as he came through the door. Jody stood at the counter in her new red leather jacket, boots, and mist-tight black j eans.Jody could hear Abby locking the downstairs door, so they had a few seconds alone.Look, did you want me to tell her you were just a big orange doofus?I guess not. Hey She calls you Flood?I couldnt tell her Tommy. Im her dark lord. Your dark lord cant be named Tommy. Flood has an air of power.And dampness.Yeah, its got the dampness thing going for it, too.Abby came in, breathing hard. Shed been sweat and her eyeliner was running in two black streaks down her cheeks. We didnt find him. I could have sworn he was dead. He smelled like it.You got something against dead people? Jody said tough-guy voice. Are you saying theres something wrong with dead people? Is that what youre saying? Are you saying youre too good for the dead, is that what youre saying?Abby stepped behind Tommy and peeked around. The kid was still out of breath from trying to keep up with Tommy, and now she was frightened, too. No, Mistress, I think the nonliving are great. Im all about dead people. I have a I F uck the Dead jersey even. I can wear it tomorrow if you want. I didnt meanIts okay, Abby, Jody said, waving it off. vindicatory fucking with you.Jody Tommy said, scolding. Dont scare the minion.Sorry, Jody said, thinking, once again, that she might be evil. What about the new apartment. Did you look at it?We went by it. Its only a few doors down. We dont even have to cross the street.You think thats far enough? They wont find us there?Well, at least they wont find us here. I dont think anyones going to think that wed only move a few doors down. Theyll think weve at least left the City. What kind of moron would only move a few doors away? Its brilliant.Plus an easy move, Jody said. You guys can do it without a truck.You guys?Well, Ive got to find William, and you cant exactly run around until the shedding has subsided. Abby, do you have enough makeup to cover his face and hands?Tons, Abby said. She held up her messenger bag. But I can only help for a little while. I have to get ho me.Why? Tommy asked. We require your services. He meant to sound sophisticated and European, but it came out sounding lecherous.He subject matter moving, Jody said. Ive got his other services covered.I cant, Abby said. My sister has lice.So, Abby said, the countess is kind of a bitch.No, shes just a dark creature of unspeakable evil, Tommy said. He had the futon on his back and was making his way down the street as Abby followed him with a lamp in one hand and a blender in the other. In a nice way, he added thinking that maybe hed already made enough of an design on Abby.Although it was early in the evening, and it was a little unusual to see a guy walking down the street carrying a futon, followed by a provincial girl carrying a lamp and a blender, it was just unusual enough that people would have felt stupid if they asked what was going on and someone pointed out it was modern dance, or performance art, or people robbing an apartment. San Francisco is a city of sophisticates, and except for a homeless person guy who re severaliseed on the tackiness of Tommys docking facility 1 Imports decor, they had moved half of the article of furniture and clothing without comment.Do you need to consume? Abby asked when they got back to the old loft. They were standing in the living room, where there was little left except some bookcases and the three bronze statues.Huh? Tommy replied.Im guessing that you need to feed, Abby said, pulling her hoodie off and offering up her neck. And I have to get going. I have to get to Walgreens and catch the bus home before the parental unit goes critical. Go ahead. Im ready.She closed her eyes and started breathing hard, as if rattling for the pain. Take me, Flood. Im ready.Really? Tommy said.Abby opened one eye. Well yeah.Youre sure? Tommy hadnt bitten another woman. He wasnt sure if it might not be cheating. What if the whole sex thing went off the way it did with Jody? That kind of activity would kill a recipe human woman, p lus, he was pretty sure that Jody would not approve. perhaps a little from the wrist, Tommy said.Abby opened her eyes and pulled up her sleeve. Of course, so you dont leave the mark of nosferatu. She said it with a hiss nasss sssss fer-a-too like she was speaking snake.Oh, it wont leave any marks, Tommy said. Youll fix up like instantly. He was head start to feel the hunger wax in him, he could feel his fangs pressing down from the roof of his mouth.Really?Oh yeah, Jody bit me more or less every night before I changed over, and no one ever sight down at the store.The store?Oops. The ye olde porridge and leeches store, where I worked, in the ye old days.I thought you were a lord?Well, yeah, I mean, I owned the store, and some serfs, and scullery maids couldnt get enough of the scullery maids but I put in a shift now and then. You know, help to stir the porridge and inventory the leeches. Serfs will distract you blind if you dont watch them. Well, enough business, lets ge t to that feeding.He took her wrist and pulled it to his mouth, then stopped. She was feel at him, one eyebrow sort of cocked in the air, and there was a silver ring in it, so it felt more incredulous than a normal eyebrow.He dropped her arm.You know, maybe you should get home before you get in trouble. I wouldnt want my minion on restriction.Abby looked hurt now. But, Lord Flood, have I offended you? Am I not deserving?You were face at me like you thought I was fucking with you, Tommy said.Werent you?Well no. This is a two-way street, Abby. I cant ask for your fealty if I dont give you trust in return. He couldnt believe the bullshit that was coming out of his mouth.Oh, okay then.Tomorrow night, Tommy said. Ill track down you within an inch of your life, I promise. The things you never think youll hear yourself say.Abby rolled down her sleeve. Okay then. Will you be able to get the rest by yourself?Sure. vampire powers. Duh. He laughed, waving at the hefty bronze statues like they were nothing.You know, Abby said, the man and the turtleneck are cool, but that woman statue, you should get rid of that. She looks kind of skanky.You think?Abby nodded. Yeah. by chance theres some church or something that you could give it to. Like, to show how you dont want your daughter to rise up up. Oh, sorry, Lord Flood, I didnt mean to say church.No, Im okay, Tommy said. Ill walk you out.Thanks, Abby said.He followed her downstairs and held the door to the street, then at the last minute, as she was walking away, she turned and kissed him quickly on the cheek. I love you, Lord Flood, she speak in his ear. Then she turned and ran up the sidewalk.Tommy felt himself blush. Dead as he was, he felt heat rise in his cheeks. He turned and trudged back up the steps, feeling the full freight of his four, maybe five hundred years of life. He needed to talk to Jody. How long could it take to find one intoxicated guy with a giant cat?He dug his cell phone out of his pocket an d dialed the number of the phone hed given Jody. He could hear it rapport on the kitchen counter where she had left it.